23rd birthday- 5 jan,2019

2 days ago(3rd jan) i was planning not to celebrate my birthday at all.
Just 2 days after, here i was at CP, eating & enjoying with friends:

The day was a bit more special. Besides the birthday, today only CAT results were announced & accidently vasu scored an astonishing 99.26%ile- totally unexpected for all of us. So, it was like an icing on the cake. They went to barbeque nation to celebrate,  although it was pre-planned, with no knowledge of the result:

The width of the smile on their faces speaks volumes. I can do anything to see this.

Besides, i had a long talk with baba who inspired me to the core-to remain strong in the face of adversities & to take each & every step with vivek. He even wrote a poem for me, which is quite special to me: likho apne haathon se apni kismat

Overall, i will cherish this day for long.

I hope that vasu gets into a good college for MBA so that everyone can be at more peace regarding his future.
Further, i pray to God to give me the  courage to face all difficulties in life.

I promise that next year, when i will be writing a post on my 24th birthday- i would be preparing for interview 😉

mains 2018 result

Mains 2018 result is out, and I am going to check it.

I know I may not be selected most probably, as I was grossly under prepared both mentally as well as syllabus wise.

My heartbeat has become so fast that I can’t even tell.

This is one of the most crucial moments of my life.

Much lessons to be learnt for the life ahead.

Always Remember, It’s OK to lose some battles to win the war.

Here, is the link to the video i made just to capture that dreaded moment, to act as a memoir for my life ahead:

Finally, i’ve checked my results & they were as per my expectation.
Still, when the fact that you could not qualify hits right in your face, you do feel sad. That’s basic human nature, you can’t avoid.

The most important thing, right now, is how you handle this situation & the lessons you draw from it instead of finding silly excuses.

lessons drawn-

this is just an exam, so just take it like an exam.

it is highly competitive, so it is highly likely that you may not qualify

Sincere efforts are to be made on a continuous basis.

Neither be too happy nor be too sad, at your success or when you don’t succeed

As baba rightly said, its ok to fail sometimes; because if you succeed always, it makes you arrogant. Failure keeps you grounded. Now, i’m back to square one- prelims 2019

Specific drawbacks in preparation:

-couldn’t complete any of the papers due to:

slow writing speed, lack of brevity in expression, lack of well settled content in the mind causing more time in reproducing  it from mind to pen to paper

-subject- content/ notes not ready in time especially the optional which is the key to becoming IAS

-lack of mental stability 2 months prior to the exam due to fear of failure esp after clearing prelims

-lack of answer writing practice of GS papers

-lack of innovative approach in presentation(map, flowchart, hub& spoke diagram,etc)

-burning desire missing as i had lowered my confidence level, and simply wanted to somehow finish all the mains paper with no hope of getting selected (it may sound very childish, but i was kind of very low between the pre-mains period & could only sustain because of more than 100% family support )

Just before writing this blog, i saw my previous posts & realized that i had written a similar post just after 2017 mains result, and it felt as if i had time-travelled.

so, today, i am writing this post for my future self 😉

Right now, sitting in global study center, karol bagh, 20 december-2018, 1:58pm, i promise to myself, that next year, when i will be checking my 2019 mains result, there will be just one thing to say- Mummy, interview ke liye suit silwa lo.

Borrowing from Ashish tiwari’s (CSE 2015-AIR 6) speech, Yaar IAS to baad mein banenge, pehle toh is Mains ko nikalenge

2017 mains result + back pain returns

Yesterday, we had our weekly meetup at Garima’s place. After studying Yojana, my birthday was celebrated with pizza and cake. By the evening, as we were preparing to leave, suddenly we got the news that mains result is out.

Bariya instantly took out her mobile to check her  result and i was sitting just next to her. As she entered her roll no, my eyes were fixed on her phone, and to everyone’s surprise and disbelief, she did not make it. She wanted to cry but even the tears were not coming.After that we went for a stroll in the colony itself to cheer her up and afterwards we parted our ways.

This incident brings out several lessons to the fore:
The probability of your failing is much higher than passing so, always be mentally prepared to Fail. A good way to deal with this is to  treat both success and failure equally- neither be too happy nor be too sad, and to more importantly, focus on your efforts Always (whether it is an exam or your life). For example- if i see paaji( Sahibdeep Singh), then he has got a rank in all exams he has written, and is now even a company secretary, sill does not show even an ounce of pride of his achievements. Therefore, it is most important to always stay grounded in life, no matter what you achieve or what you become- and treat others with the same dignity and respect they deserve.

Also, ultimately it is the results that matter, but it is also necessary that the means to achieve them are morally correct and do not go against your very own conscience.Therefore, put everything you have got in the pursuit of your aim, and when you see the results, there should not be a feeling of regret- that is very important.

I just hope(today- 11th jan, 2018- 11:10 AM, global study centre, karol bagh) that when i open that golden pdf, to check my results later this year, i find my roll no. in it on pressing ctr+F, otherwise,  no problem, i will still continue my efforts. Besides, my back pain has restarted and it is literally killing me; but still i am just going on and on…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Principles/beliefs of my life

Everyone has certain principles/beliefs which guide his/her thought process, decision – making and ultimate actions. However, they are generally in our subconscious and we are rarely aware of it. Thus arises the need to pen them down as and when you become aware of them. Also,  updating them from time to time and then, most importantly, adhering to them in your everyday lives becomes highly imperative.

Here,  sitting in karol bagh ,  I am,  giving words to my thoughts :

1. Life is short,  you never know what will happen the very next moment –  you may continue to live or (God forbid) may die.  Therefore, it is important to be grateful for each and every second you are alive.

2.  Every person is struggling in his/her life,  in myriad ways. It may not seem to be on the face of it,  but deep down everyone has some or the other problem/worry, etc.( You may be fighting with your exam  syllabus, but somewhere someone is fighting for his life)  You are no special in this struggle. So,  the least you can do is to stop cribbing and to start living.

3. No work is big or small.A Society functions well only with the collective contribution of different persons performing various business/professions, etc.  So,  give up your condescending attitude towards jobs/work that you don’t want to do. However, at the same time, it is important that everyone works as per his abilities and competence.

4. Respect everyone and everything.  Why to respect only women and elders?  Every person,  whether, male /female /transgender/old/young deserves to be respected by virtue of the fact that they are your very own fellow  human beings. Similarly,  follow your religion,  but have the same respect for every other religion.

Feeling low? Don’t want to study? May be this can help

During the strenuous phase of IAS preparation,  we do suffer from mood swings every now and then,  we feel crushed under the insurmountable syllabus, the daily dose of ‘THE HINDU’,  and the hyperactive government and SC of the day which bring out a myriad of policies, programs and judgements every day to add to our woes.

Today, while sitting in the  ‘Global study center’ of Karol bagh,  I too started to think about the meaning and purpose of life,  how I am spending the youthful days of my life preparing for an exam,  the probability of clearing which is less than 0.1% ; then, I  thought of venting out my feelings and reconciling them with the help of  this blog.

1) Always be clear in your mind, as to ‘WHY’  you want to do it?  Bcoz when the why is clear the how becomes easier.  You can have any reason- to contribute to the society and country, to have a good position and power, to fulfill your parent’s dream,  or just to prove a point to someone/yourself. This reason will keep you sticked to your chair. Whenever, in doubt, just close your eyes and remember the faces of those people who believe in you,  it will result in  an instant release of positive vibes and some emotions too; now you can go back to your ncerts.

2) Today, on 24th August, 2017,  when I think about my favorite movies/songs,  for eg- Rang de basanti,  I feel so old because it was released in 2006,almost 11 years ago but when I watch it or hear to its awesome music, it’s still so refreshing as if it was released just last month. The point I am trying to make is that time will pass  no matter what ,  every moment is very precious, make the best use of it, just leave no scope for regret ; to understand it better, just talk to those candidates who could not pass through the preliminary stage –  they can even write a 1000-1200 words essay on “how bad it feels to start with prelims, ONCE AGAIN”.  So,  study in such a ruthless way that when you think about it even  11 years after,  sitting in your ambassador,  you feel proud of yourself.

3)  Remember that,  it is this phase only that will build your personality –  either you let the pressure overcome you,  or you become ROCKY BALBOA and punch it in the face  -it ain’t how hard you can hit,   it’s about how hard you can get hit,  and keep moving forward.

This exam is not about studying, as much as, about your attitude, patience and hard-cum-smart work which  would define your ultimate  selection in the prestigious list .

It’s time to improve

Today, the results of the first comprehensive test on organizational theory were announced. The highest marks were 53 out of 80 by shivangi kedia ; I  scored a just decent 41.

At first, I tried to find the excuses as to why she got more marks- she wrote beyond the stipulated time, she may have adopted unfair means but all this is simply  fooling myself.

From the inside, I know that I had not written the last 2 answers upto the mark, and still got a 10 on each of them. I have tried to analyze my mistakes –  poor handwriting and overall presentation,  less diagrams and less points.

Today, I promise to myself that I will study and practice answer writing to the core and be in the top list in the next test.

I should not be seeing this result in isolation, rather as the first step in the process of improvement,  and I swear that it won’t stop until I reach there – ‘where magic happens’ (passing reference to TVF pitchers)

 

Lessons learnt

The last two days were nothing less than  an eye opener for me and taught me very crucial life lessons which i will have to remember for the rest of my life.

• It was a very casual moment on 21st february,2017 when Paaji was taking interviews of 2nd yrs for wof and made a slight mention of how CDF was on the verge of closing. At this point, i made a clapping gesture and smiled which annoyed Harsh,that motherfucking bastard, that he reprimanded me, which according to him was nothing,given i was his friend, otherwise he would have given a fuck off to anyone.Here, i reflected upon the need to choose your friends wisely. If you don’t like someone, you don’t like him; stop trying unnecessarily.Simply, ignore them and move on.We need to decide carefully as to whom we should talk and how to behave with different persons in an apt manner.
• Today, as usual on hearing loud noises, i went to Guddu’s room. He was being friendly with Garg, and i also got involved and lifted him. He reacted to it and as a result, many items kept on the side fell on the floor.He started shouting at me which i believe was uncalled for and reminded me of an incident which had taken place 4-5 months back when i had gone to search for a particular newspaper in his room and had left the papers scattered. I felt bad, really bad. I realized that we should never be too close with anyone as they may begin to affect us. One must be busy in his own activities so much so that he has hardly anytime for anyone.Parents are the only ones who truly care for you inspite of anything. so also cate for them.

Two fuck-ups in a row

The very initial days of my final year hostel life will forever be etched in my memory. I had thought of making my last year quite eventful but the roller-coster ride will begin with such jerks was completely unexpected.

I was pre-determined to become the Hostel president and i  stood as a candidate with other two being Mhd. shahwaaz and Sandeep Anand. We were asked to mutually decide among the three of us but it proved to be a fruitless exercise.There were many ups and downs in the negotiations that occured. Firstly,Sandeep agreed to back out,and there were only 2 contenders left, but when i saw that shahwaaz was adamant(may be due to political reasons),i decided to keep thing clean & to withdraw.But,there were a few more twists, and sandeep told then that he wanted to contest.After hearing Sahibdeep’s speech on ‘never have regrets’ i too joined back and eventually the internal elections among 3rd years only was agreeed to.

Harsimran,Harsh and Sahibdeep were the election officers  who implemented the voting via seccret ballot in a free and fair manner at 2 AM,yes you heard it right coz anything can happen at  SRCC. When the  results were declared the next day, i lost by small margin of 3 votes(shahwaaz-17,me-14,sandeep-4).Albeit, i had lost but still i had an upper hand in choosing if i wanted to be org or maintenance secretary.After much deliberation,i decided not to go for either of them and to happily accept the mandate.I could feel how vikas might have felt when he lost the Gsec elections. This was sort of my 1st failure.

The next day i.e. on 2 Aug,my ipcc g-2 results were coming,i was quite sure of passing it.I had forgot my roll no. and was unable to see my result for about 2 hrs.Finally,when it opened,it was no less than a shock for me.Result-FAIL. I was reading it repeatedly to reconcile myself to that fact.I called up papa, told him everything,he  just told me not to take tension and to reappear for the exam.It was literally an eye opener for me as i experienced what it is to fail in an exam.The pass % was miserably low-7% for group 2;i somehow tried to console myself, cursed the ICAI for some time and felt better.I googled to find some failure motivation quotes and they were truly encouraging-‘FAILURE IS NOT THE OPPOSITE OF SUCCESS,IT IS A PART OF SUCCESS’.

I solemly resolved to appear in nov-2016  to crack this shitty exam.

 

 

Disciplined life

Today, i realized that for quite a long time, i had been leading a life of indicipline,with no fixed time for the chores of the day.What happened exactly, i do not know, but i went to the college ground for running in the evening and was soon completely drenched in sweat.At one point of time, my body was thwarting me, but somehow i  persevered as  my strong willpower dominated my strained body.

Running is an excellent form of exercise as it involves movement of the entire body.When i run, i just do not care for anything else,as my self-mode gets auto-activated.I feel closer to myself as i can literally hear my heartbeat as it pumps the blood very fast,i can experience my legs moving,there by completing one lap after another.It not only helps in maintaining my overall well being but also refreshes me.I feel more energetic as if all my tensions and stress have been carried away by the little drops of sweat.I plan to continue it in the long run just like my habit of writing these blogs.

It is said that, if you do not take out time for exercise, you will have to take out time for illness.